2019, Dance with Now!

Greetings from me!

Hello!

It has been a month since 2019 began.
Lately what I feel is that, rather than thinking of the new year and what year it is,
when I focus on the day called today,
my sense of the new year, or of what year it is, seems to have grown somehow faint.

These days, I check my schedule on my iPhone using Google Calendar.
Doing it this way, the plans for this one day, today, feel much closer,
as if I am dancing with now, and each day somehow feels richer than it used to.

When I was constantly looking at so many plans,
I may have fallen into the habit, without noticing, of holding back the precious energy and ideas I have right now, I thought.

On the other hand, I focused so much on now
that next month's schedule had not entered my head at all,
and just a little while ago I nearly made a big mistake at work.

With the identity called now, and with my schedule,
there are still many things within me to clean on.

My greetings come a little late,
but I look forward to another year with you.
If you, reading this now, would like to look at yourself from a slightly different perspective,
or would like to sort out something that lies between you and all that is happening,
please come to Betty’s Room at any time.

Welcoming the New Year in Taiwan

From the end of last year, I spent the whole New Year holiday in Taiwan, where my daughter and her family live.

My son, who just recently married, also came with his wife, and though only for a few days, we gathered to see in the new year,
all staying at my daughter's family home.

There, for the first time,
I felt, "I am on my own."
Rather than sad,
it was a very simple, light feeling of returning to my original self,
and yet somehow a solemn one.

It has been more than 10 years since my children left the nest,
so their separate ways of living and the ways they relate to their new families felt very fresh to me,
and yet, precisely because they are my own daughter and son,
the problems they were carrying at the time
and their habits of thinking caught my eye whether I liked it or not,
and I was surprised at how much I had, until now, engaged with the world
from within the role of "parent."
And at the same time,
I realized that I felt a deep fondness for the "parent" jacket I have worn all this time,
felt proud of it, and also felt its weight.
Even so, rather than forcing myself to take it off now, or straining to change something,
I would think, "I have this jacket on right now, but
Taiwan is hot, so maybe I will take it off for a while,"
or, "Oh, tomorrow I am meeting my daughter's in-laws, so I should wear it properly,"
and each time, I simply remained as I was.

Taiwan, whether I like that jacket or not,
simply accepts what is here now and what I am wearing—
I feel that kind of gentleness there.

Simple, going with the flow.
Without any "What should I do?" or "How should I live?" of my own,
I was simply experiencing whatever happened in the day, and I was allowed to choose, among many things, what I truly love.

With the office closed for nearly two weeks, I was able to take it easy.
Even as the time to say goodbye to my beloved grandchildren drew near,
I did not count down to it,
and rather than thinking, "I am going back to Japan, I go back tomorrow,"
it was a continuous series of nows—next, the plane, and now, Japan—
and being able to stay free of pain like this was a new experience for me this time.

After all, my theme right now is
"Dance with Now!"

Doing so, in a flow that changes from moment to moment,
I notice that I, being within that flow, am allowed freedom,
and perhaps we may be able to discover the treasures in the place where we are now.

Enjoy!

B

The photos are of beautiful Sun Moon Lake, where my daughter and her husband took me,
and of me shopping at a morning market I love in the neighborhood in Taipei.

In Taiwan, I was completely allowed to be myself—
that is the message I received.
Thank you so much.

(2019/2/4)