Forgiving Yourself

Greetings from me!

Hello!

The other day, I went to see the film "Don't Worry, He Won't Get Far on Foot."

I love this film,

and for me, its message was "forgive yourself."

Hearing the words "forgiving yourself,"

some people may think there is nothing to forgive,

but true forgiveness

is the very process of returning to your true self.

By putting on airs,

by trying to live up to an ideal self or to other people's

expectations,

and keeping our focus there for many years,

we have gradually lost the exquisite rhythm and balance we originally have,

and our intuition.

And we are caught in all kinds of addictions.

Alcohol

Drugs

Shopping

Eating

Sex

Family

Romance

Phones

Observe yourself a little.

What do you tend to depend on in your daily life?

If you do notice it,

and peel it back layer by layer,

at the root, I think you will reach the answer "Who I am now is not okay,"

one you came to at some point without noticing.

So it is from noticing this

that the process of truly forgiving yourself begins.

Shibuya

As much as I could,

I had been avoiding Shibuya.

Ever since the Ginza Line and the Hanzomon Line I knew so well, and the entrances to the Shibuya department stores, changed completely,

I had avoided going to Shibuya itself as much as possible.

But the other day, I had an errand that meant I simply had to go to the Seibu department store in Shibuya,

so I went to Shibuya.

The moment I stepped off the bus and my feet touched the ground of Shibuya,

I felt, "I'm sorry."

Avoiding it because I no longer knew my way around,

being angry because it was not the Shibuya I used to know—

I noticed this self-centered, self-serving feeling,

and at once I felt, "I'm sorry."

From there, as I talked to it, saying "I'm sorry,"

and cleaned,

I was released from the overwhelming sense of being lost that had stayed with me all along.

The maze suddenly appeared as a simple path, and I was able to reach my destination very smoothly.

I realized how much my own stubbornness had fixed the way I saw things and the way my body sensed them.

I realized I had even been trying to make the city fit my own convenience.

But the city has its own identity,

and I had a big realization: by cleaning, I, too, can bring myself into harmony as myself.

Through the relief of knowing I did not have to fight,

I met a new Shibuya.

I came to see clearly that I had always lived in a constrained way,

that I had been fighting.

It seems a great chance has come to trust my own senses more.

Now, through the identities of these streets and roads that change and renew every day,

of children, companies, and society,

how will I, too, change each day?

My heart is racing, yet I am looking forward to it.

Enjoy!

B

(2019/5/9)