Dear Despair

Today, for the first time in my life,

I learned the word setsubō, "longing."

It was a session over the phone,

so at first I heard it as zetsubō, "despair,"

but when I checked, "No, it is setsubō."

my client kindly told me.

I hurried to look it up in the dictionary,

and found it translated as Longing.

“strong persistent desire or craving,
especially for something unattainable or distant.”

Strongly and persistently craving and seeking something that is hard to obtain.

Reading this translation,

I realized that inside me, longing and despair

had for many years always existed together as a set, carrying much the same meaning.

Longing was a word

I had never once used, even in English,

so when I resonated with the identity of "Setsubō," of "Longing,"

it hit a deep spot within me with pinpoint precision, and I was able to touch a very deep feeling.

My breath reached all the way into the deep places, my breathing grew deeper,

and my client said they felt lighter, too.

Ever since I was a child—lonely, sad, all alone, no one doing anything for me, scared, and so on—

I was a real crybaby, always lost in fantasies of "someday . . . . ."

escaping from reality day after day.

So meeting "Longing," which described the me of those days so exactly, brought me great relief.

That words, too, have identities

is something we learn in Ho'oponopono,

but this time, for the first time, it truly made sense to me.

Meeting a word that expresses exactly something deep within you,

or that stays close beside you,

is like meeting a best friend,

like meeting someone who becomes your teacher in life—

it is that healing an experience.

At the same time, toward the things, places, situations, and people I had been escaping from until now,

"I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you."

I naturally felt.

For the first time, the Serenity Prayer naturally sank into me.

It is the serenity to accept what cannot be changed.

God, please grant me

the serenity to accept
the things I cannot change!

the courage to change
the things I can!

And the wisdom to tell
the two apart!

God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

Enjoy!

B

Some news.

This summer, on 8/10, I will be holding a talk event with Banana Yoshimoto.

My daughter Irene is the facilitator, so I already have butterflies, sensing that something may happen.

Since turning 60, I have been cleaning all kinds of things more than ever.

All the dramas I had collected over my life have been neatly cut short, and thanks to that, lately I have begun to see things I could not see before.

Whenever I get to talk with Banana Yoshimoto, her pop way of living wakes me up, and I notice the ways in which I have become stuck.

Bringing freshness back into your life is something money cannot buy, but it is a very necessary element for living vibrantly as yourself.

For me, it is an event like a festival. If you are interested, please do come.

The photo is of the hydrangea temple in Kamakura, where I went the other day.

Wishing you fresh, lush early-summer days.

(2019/6/26)